Secret secret secrets.
I want to dedicate a post here about my own personal secrets. I think it’s time I open up to the world, let it all out. So here’s a post for my own personal secrets. I will update this when I have time, just like the other posts 🙂
April 6th 2015:
I have this letter that I wrote awhile ago. It was intended for my future girlfriend so I’ve never actually shown anyone this letter till now.The purpose of this letter was when I find someone, and I feel the time is right, it will be the time I part and give away this letter as a mark of a delicately, penned promise. I don’t think I will ever get the chance to show anyone this letter, not at least in the next 2 years, seeing that entering into relationship isnt really feasible… you know… army… so I might as well show you guys here 🙂
I added some extra stuff here for the post sake.
I actually feel kinda weird about posting this. Posting stuff online as opposed to writing them out feels so different… the latter feels so wrong but anyway, here goes:
Dear future soulmate,
I promise to love you with every inch of my heart. To adore you in every way possible for you are my queen. I will look past your flaws, your perfect imperfections, your insecurities and accept you for who you are because that’s what love is. I will love you for them because they are the reason why they make you, you.
I promise I will always look out for you, to protect you from all possible harm. I will be your knight in shinning armour, and stand up for you in any unjust. If someone bullies you, tell me. I will incur my wrath on that miserably soul.
I promise you that I will always make time for you no matter how busy I might get; for you are my number one priority. I will set everything aside, reprioritize whenever possible. I will put you on the top of my list because that’s where you always belong. If you’re feeling sad, troubled or angry, give me a call. I will put everything aside and listen to you, to share your load, to hear your troubles and to hear you rant to your heartiest content. I will do it because you are my first priority and you mean everything to me. I promise you I will always be here for you whenever you need me.
I promise I will never judge nor critize you. I will respect every decision you make. I will accept your past faults, your mistakes. I promise I will never ask you to change any part of you because you are perfect the way you are.
I promise I will prove and show you everyday how much I love you, how much you mean to me because action means louder than words. I want to be the one to adore you, to bring you joy, to be the one who can make you genuinely and truly happy like no other. I want to be the one to make you laugh and see your beautiful smile every single day.
I can’t promise you a relationship without arguments, misunderstandings, problems and obtacles but I will promise you that no matter what we go through, I’ll always stand by you. I will fight with you and I will fight for you. I promise you that despite anything that might happen in the future, I will always love you unconditionally and if I ever hurt you in the future, please understand I don’t try to hurt others on purpose… If it’s forgivable, please forgive me… But don’t forgive me too easily, I don’t want it to be a cue for me to always make mistake and have you forgive me everytime. And if I ever forget any of these promises here, show me this letter again, for this is my penned promise, from me to you.
Here’s my first one.
April 1st 2015:
Everyone has their own fear be it rational or irrational. Their very own insecurity. Take for example of being not good enough for someone they like, being afraid of the dark or being afraid of being trapped in a room/a lift.
Mine happens to be losing people. I didn’t really realize it until most recently. Naturally, I don’t have a lot of friends though I do have a lot of acquaintances and so I cherish every single one of my immediate friends like they’re gold.
I have this insane fear that one day everyone would get tired of me and my stupid antics and leave me alone. Nobody would want to talk to me any more… That I’ll be left alone in an empty room… Alone, cold and lone. I don’t know how to be alone… Even if I could spend the whole entire day walking around outside alone myself, doing my own stuff, I still have this insatiable need to be around people, to meet someone, for a simply dinner, catch up, get up to speed with their life or maybe catch a movie or something. I hate plans in all honestly. Don’t you just hate the disappointment when you look forward to something for the whole week only to see the plan get canceled the day before or even better, the day itself? You just get so heart broken… That’s why I like impromptu outing, that goes like this “hey, are you outside?” “Yep” “You?” “Same!” “Wanna meet for dinner?” “Cool! Sure!!!”
Sure you might get disappointed if they’re not free but you don’t get that kind of disappointment when you look forward to something for it for so long only to see it get canceled.
I’d never cancel on people. At least not on the very last day, or the day before. No matter how difficult things can get. I ensure I make time and re-prioritize whenever possible. Even if I fail to do so, like the circumstance prevents me from doing so; for example I have agreed to work on a particular event and, but I agreed to meet you because I forgot about the work. I would have to cancel you but I’ll make it up to you somehow. Because I know how it feels like to be disappointed. Perhaps I’ll meet you on another day and I’ll make sure that that day would be better than the originally planned day. Or we could have dinner after my work, whichever works for them.
But then sometimes you just get so tired about making plans and never seeing them get through. You’re just like, yeah, we’ll do whatever you want to do today. Not in a sarcastic way but in a tired way you see.
I just cherish everyone, I really do. I might seems super nonchalant sometimes but it’s only because I’ve been burnt. I do show in a lot of ways, non immediate way that I care for people around me. But I don’t want to make it too obvious. I am just not sure about people sometimes. I’m never good at reading people’s intention. I’m always confused as to what people want from me; what they expect off me… I am just terrible at being human…
It’s not an excuse I know… But… I just don’t know how to tread sometimes.