Secret secret secrets.
I want to dedicate a post here about my own personal secrets. I think it’s time I open up to the world, let it all out. So here’s a post for my own personal secrets. I will update this when I have time, just like the other posts ūüôā

April 7th

April 6th 2015:
I¬†have this letter that I wrote awhile ago. It was intended for my future girlfriend so I’ve never actually shown anyone this letter till now.The purpose of this letter¬†was when I find someone, and I feel the time is right, it will be the time I part and give away this letter as a mark of a delicately, penned promise. I don’t think I will ever get the chance to show anyone this letter, not at least in the next 2 years, seeing that entering into relationship isnt really feasible… you know… army… so I¬†might as well show you guys here ūüôā

I added some extra stuff here for the post sake.
I actually feel kinda weird about posting this. Posting stuff online as opposed to writing them out feels so different… the latter feels so wrong but¬†anyway, here goes:

Dear future soulmate, 
I promise to love you with every inch of my heart. To adore you in every way possible for you are my queen. I will look past your flaws, your perfect imperfections, your insecurities and accept you for who you are because that’s what love is. I will love you for them because they are the reason why they make you, you.

I promise I will always look out for you, to protect you from all possible harm. I will be your knight in shinning armour, and stand up for you in any unjust. If someone bullies you, tell me. I will incur my wrath on that miserably soul.

I promise you that I will always make time for you no matter how busy I might get; for you are my number one priority. I will set everything aside, reprioritize whenever possible. I will put you on the top of my list because that’s where you always belong. If you’re feeling sad, troubled or angry, give me a call. I will put everything aside and listen to you, to share your load, to hear your troubles and to hear you rant to your heartiest content. I will do it because you are my first priority and you mean everything to me. I promise you I will always be here for you whenever you need me.

I promise I will never judge nor critize you. I will respect every decision you make. I will accept your past faults, your mistakes. I promise I will never ask you to change any part of you because you are perfect the way you are.

I promise I will prove and show you everyday how much I love you, how much you mean to me because action means louder than words. I want to be the one to adore you, to bring you joy, to be the one who can make you genuinely and truly happy like no other. I want to be the one to make you laugh and see your beautiful smile every single day. 

I can’t promise you a relationship without arguments, misunderstandings, problems and obtacles but I will promise you that no matter what we go through, I’ll always stand by you. I will fight with you and I will fight for you. I promise you that despite anything that might happen in the future, I will always love you unconditionally and if I ever hurt you in the future, please understand I don’t try to hurt others on purpose… If it’s forgivable, please forgive me… But don’t forgive me too easily, I don’t want it to be a cue for me to always make mistake and have you forgive me everytime. And if I ever forget any of these promises here, show me this letter again, for this is my penned promise, from me to you.

Love,
ZhengHui

image

image

Here’s my first one.
April 1st 2015:
Everyone has their own fear be it rational or irrational. Their very own insecurity. Take for example of being not good enough for someone they like, being afraid of the dark or being afraid of being trapped in a room/a lift.
Mine happens to be losing people. I didn’t really realize it until most recently. Naturally, I don’t have a lot of friends though I do have a lot of acquaintances and so I cherish every single one of my immediate friends like they’re gold.
I have this insane fear that one day everyone would get tired of me and my stupid antics and leave me alone. Nobody would want to talk to me any more… That I’ll be left alone in an empty room… Alone, cold and lone. I don’t know how to be alone… Even if I could spend the whole entire day walking around outside alone myself, doing my own stuff, I still have this insatiable need to be around people, to meet someone, for a simply dinner, catch up, get up to speed with their life or maybe catch a movie or something. I hate plans in all honestly. Don’t you just hate the disappointment when you look forward to something for the whole week only to see the plan get canceled the day before or even better, the day itself? You just get so heart broken… That’s why I like impromptu outing, that goes like this “hey, are you outside?” “Yep” “You?” “Same!” “Wanna meet for dinner?” “Cool! Sure!!!”
Sure you might get disappointed if they’re not free but you don’t get that kind of disappointment when you look forward to something for it for so long only to see it get canceled.
I’d never cancel on people. At least not on the very last day, or the day before. No matter how difficult things can get. I ensure I make time and re-prioritize whenever possible. Even if I fail to do so, like the circumstance prevents me from doing so; for example I have agreed to work on a particular event and, but I agreed to meet you because I forgot about the work. I would have to cancel you but I’ll make it up to you somehow. Because I know how it feels like to be disappointed. Perhaps I’ll meet you on another day and I’ll make sure that that day would be better than the originally planned day. Or we could have dinner after my work, whichever works for them.
But then sometimes you just get so tired about making plans and never seeing them get through. You’re just like, yeah, we’ll do whatever you want to do today. Not in a sarcastic way but in a tired way you see.
I just cherish everyone, I really do. I might seems super nonchalant sometimes but it’s only because I’ve been burnt. I do show in a lot of ways, non immediate way that I care for people around me. But I don’t want to make it too obvious. I am just not sure about people sometimes. I’m never good at reading people’s intention. I’m always confused as to what people want from me; what they expect off me… I am just terrible at being human…
It’s not an excuse I know… But… I just don’t know how to tread sometimes.

Advertisements

I am not the brightest bulb in this world nor do I have unparalleled knowledge and wisdom towards everything in life.
But if I could everyone with a problem one simple advice, it would be to always think long term in every aspect of life.

How you manage your money.

Your family and friends.

Your relationship.

The fundamental of this simple advice is the concept of whether it will be an issue 10 years down the road.
Always remember, given any situation, there’s always a way out. Think long term.
Short-term thrills, happiness < Long-term happiness.
Will this matter 10 years down the road?
If it doesn't matter, stop worrying. It's that simple.
Let go of the past and the past will let go of you.
Take two steps back if you have to, take a bigger look at the picture. Figure things out and maybe you could move three steps forward and that's a win right?

Filter out your thoughts. Build or train your self defense mechanism to automatically, simultaneously filter, cancel out, destroy, nib and wipe our any unnecessary negative thought. Build your very own contingent of mind defenders.

Amongst many other advice I keep and I can give in this little nut shell of mine is;
What is easy is never worth it.
What is worth it will not be easy.
Everything has it's price.
Stop worrying. It doesn't subtract to the situation. It adds unnecessary stress. Chill and relax.
Believe that you and I are part of a bigger picture, a divine plan. Part of the universe. Everything will workout eventually. Life has a funny way of working out. Correcting itself through it's various twist and turns in life. So stop worrying.

And if all else fails, and nothing works out, come to me. Tell me your problems. I would love to shoulder your load and perhaps i could formulate you my very own solution. I always have this touch with me. And if all else fails again. Don't worry too. I could always punch your problem in it's/their face and make it our problem. So no worries. I'm always here, my dear friends.

Chalet 2015

I don’t always blog about my life but I think this one’s worth the write. So I had Chalet just a few days ago from the 1st of April to the 3rd with my Secondary School friends. It’s been awhile since I last saw ‘everyone.’ I had a great time just being there, catching up, getting up to speed with everyone’s life.
Late night talks, beach walk, a stroll in the park, sitting by the sea, stargaze, sitting inside the bedroom talking shits (as in random chats), sitting at the common area playing pokers round the night and booze (I swear I didn’t touch any booze that day, seriously.). What could get any better?

You know… listening to everyone’s story, problems and etc. I now feel like mine is so trivial compared to everyone’s. I somehow wish¬†I could be a problem solver so people could come to me with their problems and I’ll generate them¬†a solution, a perfect solution. But then I realize I have a handful of my own. You know, the thing is, it’s so easy to give others advice but when it comes to you, it’s as though your hands are tied and you can’t do anything about it. Maybe that’s the thing. We¬†need someone other than ourselves, someone who can see the bigger picture and give us the best advice they could give.¬†I want unparalleled knowledge and wisdom for people to come to me with their problems so I can solve them. I want to know everything and anything but I know that’s impossible.

“The most important thing will always be the people in this room, right here, right now.” – Dom (Fast 5)

Just thought I share some FnF stuffs, I caught it yesterday and it was so dam good as always and I found the tribute so fitting for this post.
I just love the series¬†so much. It’s the only franchise that hits home. No other¬†movie has ever come close to this. It teaches¬†you the core value of friend or should I say family. “I don’t have friends, I have family.” – Dom
The tribute is just so saddening, it has almost been a year and a half¬†since the passing of paul walker. He will be missed ūüė¶ #InLovingMemory #ForPaul


A group shot on the first day (not everyone is here though, some was late, some came on the 2nd day etc etc):

10928952_560484120782614_4197990473134568530_o

11079584_560484257449267_7924426947305980450_o

10856497_560485394115820_2109458092684761077_o

Ming playing his guitar:
image
Wish I captured more photos but then I was caught in the moment. Wen Rong played his guitar so dam well. The way his fingers moved and strum the chords rhythmically was amazingly fascinating.

People don’t understand.
If hearing the phrase “I love you” would ever suffice, why don’t we just buy a parrot instead?
Words mean nothing without actions; is it not? They are empty without action. Anyone can say I love you to anyone. But not everyone can prove it to be true.
Many are just desperate to find a companion, to feel less lone.

Some says the word too often but do too little to show.
Others never utter the word, but shows you in so many ways.

If you’re given a choice, would you content yourself with hearing the phrase I love you everyday or the latter, someone who’s afraid to utter the word but will show you in so many ways.

I know this is random but I have had a lot of realization these days. It comes when you watch the sea, read the night sky or have deep talks with people about life and everything under it’s hood. I’ll write another secrets when I find the time is right to. What I hold so closely to me is dear. It’s never easy for anyone to spill things out and I think that’s just how everyone is. If you really wanna get to know someone. Their deepest pain, their sorrow, what they bury deep inside the ocean of their heart, you have to smash their walls even if it will hurt both.

Love

Maybe that’s what love is,
To get overwhelmed.
To lose control.
To be head over heels over someone.
To be with someone you love in a crowded train, completely mesmerized by the amazing person beside you. Unaware of your surrounding and those around you.
Maybe that’s what love is,
Two people,
Completely lost and fascinated in each other’s world together.

When it’s the right person, you will know. You will just know. Your gut would tell you, “She’s the one!” And when that time comes, don’t hold back. Go at it with full force. Steady fast. Fight for it and fight hard. If it’s worth it, it wouldn’t be easy. If it’s easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of time. There’s so many mediocre things in life and love shouldn’t be one of them.”

One true happy

Destiny and fate,
Always hard at work.
When two soul is destined for each other,
Fate would draw them close.
Pull them together.
Tie the ends yourself,
They call.
For they will never do more than they’re required.
Your happiness,
Has always been in your own hands.

“When the time comes for two souls to meet,
The universe will conspire to help you. There’s nothing on earth that can prevent them from meeting, no matter where each may be located.”

Infinity

Destiny calls,
And fate draws.
A battlecry so loud.
For they shall go,
On a war for eternity tonight.

(I know I’m just clutching at straws here, really have no idea what I’m trying to convey… It just came to me)

Moon Child

The moon speaks to me in such dissonance,
Disagreeing with my very existence on earth tonight.
It shines brighten than any beacon,
Calling me to come home tonight.

Still in the works

First and foremost I am still working on this post. Its not exactly completed. Anyway this post is of my own opinion and encompasses life and everything under the sun. 

Love, a question that looms in my head everyday.
What is a relationship? Love and relationship, the two words that always seems to go together. Are they the same thing?
You can be in love and be in a relationship but you can be in love and not be in a relationship. Likewise, you can be in a relationship but not be in love.
There’s a huge difference, with being in a relationship because of love and being in a relationship just to feel less lone. And I think the latter is terrible. Everyone wants someone that’s one cliche that’s true. Nobody likes to be alone and when presented with the opportunity, they would jump at it. We often think being alone is easy, you just have to be alone right? Wrong. As I found out, being alone is one of the hardest thing you can do. It’s so easy you know? To just be out and about with someone, with friends and all but when the day ends and you get home, loneliness creeps in to all of us as if it has been watching us the whole day, waiting for it’s chance strike and creep in. Maybe even in a crowd full of friends, loneliness can find it’s way in. Because maybe that’s just how things is… Or maybe the company wrong… I don’t know. It’s been so long since I last felt “not-lonely.” I’ve been spending a lot of time alone, though I usually meet someone at night for dinner and etc. I believe I am training myself. There’s this quote that says,¬†unless you are comfortable with being alone, you never really know if you’re choosing someone because of Love of loneliness. Actually, I have always been quite comfortable with being alone. I do enjoy other’s company but when it comes to being alone, I have this freedom of doing whatever I want.

“There are many kind of love in this world but never the same love twice.” Every love story is different… (To be continued)

Relationship,
I think relationship is like a shared bank account you have with the ones you love. Good times are like deposits to your¬†“relationship bank account” while bad times are like withdraws. The good times are deposits which acts as a buffer against the bad times, withdrawals. Like any normal bank accounts, the ideal is to always stay positive, have positive balance, if not¬†to be prosperous. Like in life there¬†is going to be rainy days¬†where you might withdraw, and the account might eventually run into a negative balance, an overdraft. It’s normal for this to happen occasionally when we hit rock bottom in life but if¬†an account is in constant overdraft, then we need to deposit to the account to salvage it. Likewise,¬†in the relationship bank account, the owners, the one’s in the relationship could take a good look at the account and come up with a plan to salvage said account but sometimes the only¬†course of action seems to fold the account/ to declare bankruptcy. Perhaps it’s in too much debt.
I know it’s an insensitive analogy… You know… To use something related to money to describe a relationship but I think it somehow makes sense right? I haven’t been in an actual relationship¬†before so…

Sadness,
Sadness is like a friend. That¬†non-existing imaginary friend. The one friend¬†that calls you at night, whenever he/she is bored. This¬†friend in particular pester you by calling you repeatedly if you don’t answer. It’s that one friend that will constantly demand your attention especially at night. We have several choices to deal with this friend. First we can ignore said friend but then there’s the aspect of it constantly demanding your attention, keeping you up at night. Or we can just get over and done with by answering his/her call and hearing what he/she have to say and getting affected by it. It’s like a bedtime friend you know… When you have been sad for awhile, or too long, you two become best friend. It’s a weird relation. An addiction to sadness I seemed to have.

Happiness,
To me happiness is that energy people radiate when they’re, well, happy. It’s that moment when you’re happy but you don’t necessarily know you are. When you¬†jump in joy… (TBC)

Friends,
One of the most invaluable connection I share with people.
Naturally I don’t have the luxury of having a lot of friends but then again why would you need so many friends? It’s so hard to keep up with everyone. To get up to speed with everyone’s life. I always value quality over quantity… That said, I don’t naturally have a lot of friends. So I cherish the ones I have and they are amazing friends. I have friends who can see through me as if he could read through the window of my eyes though I always say I’m fine. I have friends who care enough to help me;¬†To go out of their ways even if you didn’t ask them to. It’s just like love. Everyone Love story needs a little help. Friends who helped you fight for your happiness because they knew it means that much to you as it is to them. Even if it’s fruitless.
Friends who are true to you, they don’t sugar coat everything. They tell you what you need to hear. Not what you want to hear and I am blessed to have them.

People,
I am a sucker for kindness, good people, nice gesture… (TBC)

This post is really just me tossing some ideas on various topics of life like love, sadness, happiness, loneliness. I will find time to finish this okay!? ūüôā That’s a promise!! Stay tuned!

My heart is blind.
She dances to your silent tune.
Oh me oh my,
You’re so lovely.
Come here,
You beautiful soul,
Wont you take my hand and dance with me tonight?